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For those who must live and work among them, the next couple of months will be a challenge. Beginning this Sunday, these loyal subjects will return to Muggleshire, or Rivenmoore or wherever it is that HBO's "Game of Thrones" is supposed to take place. Prepare yourself for loved ones and co-workers shocked, outraged and generally agitated by the imaginary things that happen in this magical land that never existed. Of all the successes HBO has enjoyed with its hour-long dramas, "Game of Thrones" is perhaps the most surprising. Who could have foreseen that fantasy, a genre that suppresses the horrors of middle school by escaping into the womb of Middle Earth, would emerge as the ratings champion of premium cable? Why have programming executives surrendered Sunday nights to those lost souls you see in the park eating turkey legs and jousting with plywood broadswords? For those allergic to blood oaths and derring-do, HBO's decision to schedule "Thrones" in the wake of Mick Jagger and Martin Scorsese's "Vinyl" only compounds the humiliation. Just when all the cool kids were getting into grimy nostalgia for '70s sleaze, "Game of Thrones" arrives to rub our noses in the folderol of magic, dragons and pidgin Shakespeare. It's like being at a party where someone rips "Exile On Main Street" off the turntable and forces everyone to play Dungeons and Dragons. Colliding "Ivanhoe," the War of the Roses, and those skin flicks that play on Cinemax after midnight, "Game of Thrones" is set in a world that has yet to discover antibiotics or the steam engine. If you've always thought pre-Industrial Europe was a quagmire of mud, superstition and syphilis, you might wonder what makes fantasy fans yearn for a time when a person could still die from a nasty tussle with a ferret. Perhaps you've even been tempted to start watching "Game of Thrones" to see what all the fuss is about. Before taking this step, I implore you to first go on-line and study HBO's "Illustrated Guide to Houses and Character Relationships." There you will find a chart of the medieval morass that is the "Game of Thrones" universe (there are also maps to be memorized!). Verily, it will make thou head swimmeth.
